First Things First
by Stephen C. Covey
I've learned that the good is the enemy of the best when the first things in our lives are subordinated to other things.
My daughter, Maria, recently had a new baby. A few days after she delivered, I visited with her, expecting to find her happy. Instead, I found her frustrated. She told me, "I have so many other projects and interests that are important to me. But right now, I have to put everything on hold. I'm spending all my time just meeting the physical needs of this new baby. I can't even find time to be with my other two children and my husband." Seeking to understand, I replied, "so, this new baby is consuming you?" She continued, "I have other work to do. I have some writing projects that need my attention. I have other people in my life." I asked her, "What does your conscience tell you to do? Maybe right now there is only one thing that matters - your baby." She said, "But I have so many other projects and plans." She showed me her organizer. " I schedule time to do these other things, but then I'm constantly interrupted by my baby." I talked to her about the concept of a compass, not a clock. " You're being governed by your internal compass, your conscience, and you're doing something of enormous good. Now is not the time to be controlled by the clock. Throw away your planner for a few weeks. Only one thing is needful. So, relax and enjoy the very nature of this interruption to your life." "But what about life balance and sharpening the saw?" she asked, knowing I teach these principles. "Your life is going to be imbalanced for a time, and it should be. The long run is where you go for balance. For now, don't even try to keep a schedule. Forget your calendar; take care of yourself; don't worry. Just enjoy the baby, and let that infant feel your joy. I reminded her: "The good is often the enemy of the best. You won't get much satisfaction from fulfilling scheduled commitments if you have to sacrifice first things and best things. Your satisfactions are tied to your role expectations. Maybe the only role that matters this entire day will be mothering your new baby. And if you fulfill that role well you will feel satisfied. But if you schedule other commitments when you have no control of the demands your baby is going to make, you'll only be frustrated." Maria has since learned to relax and enjoy her baby more. She has also involved her husband and other children more in caring for the new baby, sharing with them all that can be shared.
Identify Your First Things
What are the first things in your life? One good way to answer that question is by asking other questions: "What is unique about me? What are my unique gifts? What is it that I can do that no one else can do? For instance, who else can be a father to your child? A grandparent to your grandchildren? Who else can teach your students? Who else can lead your company? Who else can be a mother to your baby? In a sense, we all have our "babies", meaning some demanding new project or product. Each of us has unique talents and an important work to do in life. The tragedy is that our unique contribution is often never made because the important "first things" in our lives are choked out by other urgent things. And so some important works are never started or finished. In our new book, First Things First coauthored with Roger and Rebecca Merill, we suggest that the path to personal leadership follows the stepping stones of vision, mission, balance, roles, goals, perspective, and integrity in the moment of choice. It's an ecological balancing process. We invite readers to think very carefully through this process. " What are my responsibilities in life? Who are the people I care about?" The answers become the basis for thinking through your roles. Your goals are then set by asking, "What is the important future state for each relationship or responsibility?" Setting up win-win agreements with people and maintaining positive relationships is not an efficient process; in fact, the process is usually slow. But once a win-win agreement is in place, the work will go fast. If you're efficient up front, you might be taking the slowest approach. Yes, you might drum your decision down someone else's throat, but whether or not he is committed to live by that decision and to carry it out is a different matter. Slow is fast; fast is slow. Peter Drucker makes the distinction between a quality decision and an effective decision. You can make a quality decision, but if there isn't commitment to it, it won't be effective. There has to be commitment to make a " quality decision" effective. An executive may be highly efficient working with things, but highly ineffective working with people. Efficiency is different in kind from effectiveness: Effectiveness is a results word; efficiency is a methods word. Some people can climb the "ladder of success" very efficiently, but if it's leaning against the wrong wall, they won't be effective. Efficiency is the value you learn when you work with things. You can move things around fast: you can move money, manage resources, and rearrange your furniture quickly. But if you try to be efficient with people on jugular issues, you'll likely be ineffective. You can't deal with people as if you're dealing with projects, but you need to be effective with people, particularly on jugular issues. "Have you ever tried to be efficient with your spouse on a tough issue? How did it go? If you go fast, you'll make very slow progress. If you go and get deep involvement-doing what is necessary through synergistic communication based on a win-win spirit - you'll find that in the long run it's fast because then you have total commitment to it. You also have a quality decision simply because you have the benefit of different creative ideas interacting a new solution that is better and more bonding.
Subordinate Clock to Compass
For many executives, the dominant metaphor of life is still the clock. We value the clock for its speed and efficiency. The clock has its place, efficiency has its place, after effectiveness. The symbol of effectiveness is the compass - a sense of direction, purpose, vision, perspective, and balance. A well-educated conscience serves as an internal monitoring and guidance system. To move from a clock to a compass mindset, you focus on moving the fulcrum over by empowering other people. But the empowerment process itself is not efficient. You can't think control; you think of releasing feelings seldom expressed and interacting with others until you create something better - and you don't know what it is at the beginning. It takes a lot of internal security, a lot of self-mastery, before you can even assume that risk. And the people who like to control their time, money and things, tend to try to control people, taking the efficiency approach, which in the long run is very ineffective. Effectiveness applies to self as much as to other people. You should never be efficient with yourself either. For example, one morning I met with a group in our training program. Someone said, "Creating a personal mission statement is a tough process." And I said, "Well, are you approaching it through an efficiency paradigm or an effectiveness paradigm? If you use the efficiency approach, you may try to bang it out this weekend. But if you use the effectiveness approach, you'll carry on this tortuous internal debate on every aspect of your nature, your memory system, your imagination system, your value system, your old habits, old scripts. You'll keep this dialogue going until you feel at peace." Why do executives find it easy to schedule and keep appointments with others, but hard to keep appointments with themselves? If people can make and keep promises to themselves, they will significantly increase their social integrity. Conversely, if they learn to make and keep promises to others, they will have higher self-discipline. The private victory of keeping appointments with ourselves doesn't just mean that we spend some private time alone - it might also mean that we promise ourselves not to overreact, or to apologize in the middle of a mistake. Keeping these promises enormously increases your sense of integrity. For example, I was with my son the other day chewing out his little sister for rearranging his office. He had everything laid out to work on his project, but she thought it was messy and she wanted to help her brother. In the middle of his tirade, he caught himself and said, "I apologize. I'm just taking my frustrations out on you, and I know you meant to do well." He did it right then. He kept an appointment with himself to live by his values even in the heat of the moment. I admired him enormously. Knowing that people and relationships are more important than schedules and things, we can subordinate a schedule without feeling guilty because we superordinate the conscience, the commitment to a larger vision and set of values. We subordinate the clock approach of efficiency to the compass approach of effectiveness. When using the compass, we subordinate our schedules to people, purposes, and principles. The "mega priorities" of the compass subordinate the "mini priorities" of the clock. When your projects are worthy ones, then your purpose will transcend petty concerns and matters of secondary importance. What Charles Dickens learned from writing A Christmas Carol is that a transcendent purpose subordinates the old scripts of scarcity and independence. It may not totally erase them, but at least it subordinates them. Dickens got a strong sense of purpose about writing a story that would bless the lives of families, particularly children, when he reflected on the time then he worked in the factories 12 hours a day, every day of the week, and his father and other members of his family were in debtor's prison for several months. He remembered those times of scarcity and recognized them as scripts. And as he combined the images of the present with the past, he experienced an enormous burst of creative energy that subordinated all of his present problems, his depression, and the possibility of financial ruin, to get out this magnificent story. Without valuing interdependence and abundance thinking, you won't be able to keep first things. Some people never understand these realities. They fall back into independence and scarcity thinking. Those perspectives are more a function of scripting than of anything else. But we can change the script.
From Urgency to Importance
When we are guided by an internal compass, a highly educated conscience, we may decide to dedicate an entire morning to one person or to focus on one project and subordinate an earlier schedule we'd set up, unless we have strong commitments to meet with certain individuals, then we work around those. Or we may decide to set aside an afternoon to keep an appointment only with ourselves. During that time, we might sharpen the saw by exercising one or more of the four dimensions of our personality - physical, mental, social, and spiritual. We use selfawareness to know what to do and when. I recommend a time management credo that says: "I will not be governed by the efficiency of the clock; I will be governed by my conscience. Because my conscience deals with the totality of my life. And since it is well educated from study and from experience, it will help me make wise decisions." Under the influence of a well- developed conscience, you make decisions on a daily, hourly, and moment- to- moment basis to be governed by principles. If you are immersed in an extremely productive or creative work, don't let anything interrupt. Can you imagine a surgeon taking a telephone call in the middle of surgery? Most people are buried in urgency. Most production and management jobs call for quick reactions to what is urgent and important. The net effect of a reactionary, urgent lifestyle is stress, burnout, crisis management, and always putting out fires. If you're into daily planning and prioritizing, then by definition you live with urgencies and crises. Important pushed out by daily planning. When you are guided by an internal compass or set of principles, you begin to see that the idea that I am in control is an arrogant concept. You have to humbly submit yourself to natural laws that ultimately govern anyway. If you internalize those laws and principles, you create a highly educated conscience. And if you are open to it, you will keep first things first.
(c) Stephen C. Covey
Wednesday, August 2, 2006
Yang Ku Lupa Untuk Beritahu...
YANG TERLUPA UNTUK KU BERITAHU
(catatan lama – masa di menjadi pembntu penyelidik di UTM, Kuala Lumpur)
Pernah sekali tu, seorang HEWI (Hal Ehwal Wanita Islam, UTM) sebuah persatuan pelajar masuk ke bilikku. Beliau bertanyakan tentang satu program yang pernah aku jalankan, kerana beliau bercadang untuk membuat sebuah program yang seumpamanya. Beliau bertanyakan orang-orang yang boleh dihubunginya. Berdepan denganku (mungkin beliau merasa kedudukanku agak tinggi - tambah pula aku seorang lelaki), suaranya dan riak-mukanya, ku imbas, kelihatan mengigil. Untuk memberi ketenangan padanya, aku minta beliau duduk dan ceritakan perlahan-lahan tujuannya. Beliau teruskan juga nyatakan tujuan, dan maksudnya agak kabur pada pendengaranku.
Semalam aku cakapkan hal itu kepada kawannya (yang merupakan adik angkatku), apabila kami bercakap mengenai aktiviti persatuan dan keaktifan serta gelagat kelas adik angkatku tadi. Aku beritahulah akan kemengigilan kawannya itu.
...tapi satu yang ku terlupa untuk beritahunya, bahawa aku dulupun belajar dari kemengigilan dan kekecutan perut, apabila menjejakkan kaki dalam arena berpersatuan; menghadapi kakitangan asrama, pegawai di HEP, pegawai di unit Pengarah Kerja, Urusetia Akademik - sehinggalah sekarang aku mempunyai keyakinan yang agak tinggi untuk menghadapi, berbincang atau berhadapan dengan sesiapa sahaja.
'Point'ku, dalam hidup ini, kita akan belajar. Kejatuhan, kekecutan, kemengigilan itu semuanya adalah pelajaran - malah kita akan terus berdiri dan berlari dengan lebih yakin apabila kita sanggup menempuh risiko-risiko kejatuhan atau ke apa-apa sahaja di atas tadi.
Dan catatan ini juga adalah sebagai penyataan sikap dariku, bahawa aku tidak pernah memandang rendah atas kemengigilan HEWI yang mula belajar itu - malah kepada sesiapa sahaja yang ingin belajar dan terus belajar untuk mendapat Ilmu Dari Alam.
25.2.1991
(catatan lama – masa di menjadi pembntu penyelidik di UTM, Kuala Lumpur)
Pernah sekali tu, seorang HEWI (Hal Ehwal Wanita Islam, UTM) sebuah persatuan pelajar masuk ke bilikku. Beliau bertanyakan tentang satu program yang pernah aku jalankan, kerana beliau bercadang untuk membuat sebuah program yang seumpamanya. Beliau bertanyakan orang-orang yang boleh dihubunginya. Berdepan denganku (mungkin beliau merasa kedudukanku agak tinggi - tambah pula aku seorang lelaki), suaranya dan riak-mukanya, ku imbas, kelihatan mengigil. Untuk memberi ketenangan padanya, aku minta beliau duduk dan ceritakan perlahan-lahan tujuannya. Beliau teruskan juga nyatakan tujuan, dan maksudnya agak kabur pada pendengaranku.
Semalam aku cakapkan hal itu kepada kawannya (yang merupakan adik angkatku), apabila kami bercakap mengenai aktiviti persatuan dan keaktifan serta gelagat kelas adik angkatku tadi. Aku beritahulah akan kemengigilan kawannya itu.
...tapi satu yang ku terlupa untuk beritahunya, bahawa aku dulupun belajar dari kemengigilan dan kekecutan perut, apabila menjejakkan kaki dalam arena berpersatuan; menghadapi kakitangan asrama, pegawai di HEP, pegawai di unit Pengarah Kerja, Urusetia Akademik - sehinggalah sekarang aku mempunyai keyakinan yang agak tinggi untuk menghadapi, berbincang atau berhadapan dengan sesiapa sahaja.
'Point'ku, dalam hidup ini, kita akan belajar. Kejatuhan, kekecutan, kemengigilan itu semuanya adalah pelajaran - malah kita akan terus berdiri dan berlari dengan lebih yakin apabila kita sanggup menempuh risiko-risiko kejatuhan atau ke apa-apa sahaja di atas tadi.
Dan catatan ini juga adalah sebagai penyataan sikap dariku, bahawa aku tidak pernah memandang rendah atas kemengigilan HEWI yang mula belajar itu - malah kepada sesiapa sahaja yang ingin belajar dan terus belajar untuk mendapat Ilmu Dari Alam.
25.2.1991
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Koleksi Kata-Kata HikmatKu
"Merdekakanlah Diri Dengan Memperhambakan Diri Kepada-Nya" - ASMA TT
"Berharaplah untuk yang terbaik, Bersedialan Untuk Yang Terburuk" - Aristotle
"Pentas dunia ini bukan hanya untuk kita berlakun kerana pengarah-Nya akan menghukum sebarang kealpaan kita" - Asma TT
"Jadilah bagai seorang pemuisi yang dapat memetik pelajaran alam untuk disebarkan melalui puisi-puisinya" - ASMA TT
"Setiap orang itu lemah apabila ia menyerang kerana beliau hanya mempunyai satu tangan untuk mempertahankan diri dan satu lagi digunakan untuk menyerang" - Falsafah Guru Silat
"Isteri yang baik akan dikenangi oleh sisuami apabila siisteri tiada di sisi" - ASMA TT
"Yang selalu membunuh kebijaksanaan seseorang ialah tamaknya" - Sayyidina Ali
"Ada orang berkata bahawa orang yang menangis itu jiwanya lemah kerana mereka terlupa bahawa Sayyidina Umar pernah menangis kerana rakyatnya kelaparan" - ASMA TT
"Jika orang lain merasa gembira dengan kegembiraan kita, maka kegembiraan itu dirasakan bertambah berlipat kali ganda" - Plato
"Terkadang kita terlupa untuk renungkan apakah amanah Allah yang telah kita tunaikan" – ASMA TT
"Berharaplah untuk yang terbaik, Bersedialan Untuk Yang Terburuk" - Aristotle
"Pentas dunia ini bukan hanya untuk kita berlakun kerana pengarah-Nya akan menghukum sebarang kealpaan kita" - Asma TT
"Jadilah bagai seorang pemuisi yang dapat memetik pelajaran alam untuk disebarkan melalui puisi-puisinya" - ASMA TT
"Setiap orang itu lemah apabila ia menyerang kerana beliau hanya mempunyai satu tangan untuk mempertahankan diri dan satu lagi digunakan untuk menyerang" - Falsafah Guru Silat
"Isteri yang baik akan dikenangi oleh sisuami apabila siisteri tiada di sisi" - ASMA TT
"Yang selalu membunuh kebijaksanaan seseorang ialah tamaknya" - Sayyidina Ali
"Ada orang berkata bahawa orang yang menangis itu jiwanya lemah kerana mereka terlupa bahawa Sayyidina Umar pernah menangis kerana rakyatnya kelaparan" - ASMA TT
"Jika orang lain merasa gembira dengan kegembiraan kita, maka kegembiraan itu dirasakan bertambah berlipat kali ganda" - Plato
"Terkadang kita terlupa untuk renungkan apakah amanah Allah yang telah kita tunaikan" – ASMA TT
Berkasih-Sayanglah!
اِرْحَمُوا مَنْ فِي الأَرْضِ يَرْحَمْكُمْ مَنْ فِي السَّمَاءِ
Kasihanilah kamu orang yang ada di bumi, agar kasih pula kepada engkau tuhan yang di langit.
- hadis Abu Daud dan Tarmizi
...Dan Hampir Semuanya Bermula Dengan Ilmu!
BUDAYA ILMU: ANTARA TUNTUTAN TERTINGGI ISLAM
@Satu tuntutan yang diwajibkan:
طَلَبُ الْعِلْمِ فَرِيضَةٌ عَلَى كلِّ مُسْلِمٍ وَمُسْلِمَةٍ. الحديث للإمام السيوطي
Menuntut ilmu pengetahuan adalah wajib kepada setiap orang Islam lelaki dan perempuan.
@Galakan dan tuntutannya sangat banyak. Aqidah dan ibadah yang sahih (benar) adalah melalui ilmu. Mendapat kemuliaan, kebaikan dunia-akhirat, dan terhindar dari kecelakaan semuanya melalui ilmu:
اُغْدُ عَالِمًا، أَوْ مُتَعَلِّمًا، أَوْ مُسْتَمِعًا، أَوْ مُحِبًّا، وَلاَ تَكُنْ الْخَامِسَةَ فَتَهْلِكَ. الحديث
Mulailah hari dengan menjadi pengajar, atau pelajar, atau pendengar, atau pengasih (kepada ilmu), janganlah jadi yang kelima, nescaya akan celakalah kamu.
فَضْلُ الْعَالِمِ عَلَى الْعَابِدِ كَفَضْلِي عَلَى أَدْنَى رَجُلٍ مِنْ أَصْحَابِي. الحديث الترمذي
Keutamaan seorang alim dengan seorang abid (orang yang beribadat) sebagaimana keutamaan aku (Rasulullah) dengan serendah-rendah orang daripadagolongan sahabat-sahabatku.
يَكُونُ في آخِرِ الزَّمَانِ عُبَّادٌ جُهَّالٌ وَقُرَّاءٌ فَسَقَةٌ. الحديث
Akan ada di akhir zaman. Ahli ibadat yang jahil dan ulama yang fasiq.
يَا أَبَا ذَرٍّ لأَََنْ تَغْدُوَ فَتَعَلَّمَ آيَةً مِنْ كِتَابِ اللهِ خَيْرٌ لَكَ مِنْ أَنْ تُصَلِّيَ مِائَةَ رَكْعَةٍ، وَلَأَنْ تَغْدُوَ فَتَعَلَّمَ بَابًا مِنَ اْلعِلْمِ عَمِلَ بِهِ أَوْ لَمْ يَعْمَلْ بِهِ خَيْرٌ مِنْ أَنْ تُصَلِّيَ أَلْفَ رَكْعَةٍ. (أخرجه ابن ماجه في المقدمة. رقم 219 وقال المنذري: إسناده حسن. ص)
Wahai Abu Dzar, berpagi-pagianlah kamu dengan mempelajari satu ayat dari kitab Allah, (nescaya) ianya baik untukmu daripada (mengerjakan) solat (sunat) seratus rakaat, dan berpagi-pagianlah kamu dengan mempelajari satu bab daripada ilmu – (sama ada) kamu mengamalkannya atau kamu tidak mengamalkannya – (nescaya) ianya lebih baik daripada solat (sunat) seribu rakaat.
@Kata al-Imam As-Syafi’i “mencari ilmu itu lebih utama daripada mengerjakan sunnah.”
@Justeru, tanggung jawab orang Islam adalah:
o Memastikan ada program pengisian ilmu dan memperuntukkan masa untuknya.
o Manfaatkan masa dengan membaca, mendengar kaset atau CD ilmu, menonton VCD ilmu, di rumah dan dalam perjalanan.
o Ingatlah aqidah, ibadah dan amalan yang benar dan utama adalah melalui ilmu yang sempurna.
MARILAH MENUNAIKAN AMANAH KEKHALIFAHAN
Para sahabat, sesungguhnya bangsa kita (penganut agama Islam) sedang sakit! (tidak perlu lagi dihuraikan gejala-gejala dan penularan penyakit tersebut).
Justeru, apakah kita akan membiarkannya? Apakah kita sudah terlupa pesanan Rasulullah s.a.w?
مَنْ لَمْ يَهْتَمْ بِأَمْرِ الْمُسْلِمِيْنَ فَلَيْسَ مِنْهُمْ. – الحديث للإمام العجلوني
Orang yang tidak mengambil berat nasib umat Islam bukanlah dia di kalangan mereka.
Apakah kita sudah terlupa bahawa kelak kita akan ditanya usaha-usaha yang kita telah lakukan dalam kehidupan di dunia ini?
إِنَّا نَحْنُ نُحْيِ الْمَوْتَى وَنَكْتُبُ مَا قَدَّمُوا وَآثَارَهُمْ وَكُلَّ شَيْءٍ أحْصَيْنَاهُ فِي إِمَامٍ مُّبِينٍ
Sesungguhnya Kami menghidupkan orang-orang yang mati, dan Kami tuliskan segala yang mereka telah kerjakan serta segala kesan perkataan dan perbuatan yang mereka tinggalkan. Dan (ingatlah) tiap-tiap sesuatu kami catitkan satu persatu dalam Kitab (ibu Suratan) yang jelas nyata. YASIN: 12.
Atau apakah kita telah dijangkiti sindrom al-wahan?
قال رسول الله -صلى الله عليه وسلم-:
"يُوشِكُ اْلأُمَمُ أَنْ تَدَاعَى عَلَيْكُمْ كَمَا تَدَاعَى اْلأَكَلَةُ إِلَى قَصْعَتِهَا".
فَقَالَ قَائِلٌ: وَمِنْ قِلّةٍ نَحْنُ يَوْمَئِذٍ؟.
قَالَ: "بَلْ أَنْتُمْ يَوْمَئِذٍ كَثِيْرٌ، وَلَكِنَّكُمْ غُثَاءٌ كَغُثَاءِ السَّيْلِ، وَلَيَنْزِعَنَّ اللهُ مِنْ صُدُوْرِ عَدُوِّكُمْ المَهَابَةَ مِنْكُمْ، وَلَيَقْذِفَنَّ اللهُ فِي قُلُوبِكُمْ اَلْوَهْنَ".
فَقَالَ قَائِلٌ: يَا رَسُولَ اللّه، وَمَا الوَهْنُ؟.
قَالَ: "حُبُّ الدُّنْيَا وَكَرَاهِيَةُ اْلمَوْتِ".
Hampir tiba suatu masa di mana bangsa-bangsa dari seluruh dunia akan mengerumuni kamu bagaikan orang-orang yang hendak makan mengerumuni talam hidangan mereka. Maka salah seorang sahabat bertanya, “apakah dari kerana kami sedikit pada hari itu?” Nabi s.a.w menjawab, bahkan kamu pada hari itu banyak sekali, tetapi kamu umpama buih di waktu banjir, dan Allah akan mencabut rasa gerun terhadap kamu dari hati musuh-musuh kamu, dan Allah akan mencampakkan ke dalam hati kamu penyakit “wahan”. Seorang sahabat bertanya: apakah wahan itu hai Rasulullah? Nabi menjawan, “Cinta pada dunia dan takutkan pada mati”.
Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): "Jika bapa-bapa kamu, dan anak-anak kamu, dan saudara-saudara kamu, dan isteri-isteri (atau suami-suami) kamu, dan kaum keluarga kamu, dan harta benda yang kamu usahakan, dan perniagaan yang kamu bimbang akan merosot, dan rumah-rumah tempat tinggal yang kamu sukai, - (jika semuanya itu) menjadi perkara-perkara yang kamu cintai lebih daripada Allah dan RasulNya dan (daripada) berjihad untuk ugamaNya, maka tunggulah sehingga Allah mendatangkan keputusanNya (azab seksaNya); kerana Allah tidak akan memberi petunjuk kepada orang-orang yang fasik (derhaka). AT-TAUBAH: 24.
Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Mengapa kamu, apabila dikatakan kepada kamu: "Pergilah beramai-ramai untuk berperang pada jalan Allah", kamu merasa keberatan (dan suka tinggal menikmati kesenangan) di tempat (masing-masing)? Adakah kamu lebih suka dengan kehidupan dunia daripada akhirat? (Kesukaan kamu itu salah) kerana kesenangan hidup di dunia ini hanya sedikit jua berbanding dengan (kesenangan hidup) di akhirat kelak. AT-TAUBAH: 38.
Adakah patut kamu menyangka bahawa kamu akan masuk syurga, padahal belum sampai kepada kamu (ujian dan cubaan) seperti yang telah berlaku kepada orang-orang yang terdahulu daripada kamu? Mereka telah ditimpa kepapaan (kemusnahan hartabenda) dan serangan penyakit, serta digoncangkan (oleh ancaman bahaya musuh), sehingga berkatalah Rasul dan orang-orang yang beriman yang ada bersamanya: Bilakah (datangnya) pertolongan Allah?" Ketahuilah sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu dekat (asalkan kamu bersabar dan berpegang teguh kepada ugama Allah). AL-BAQARAH: 214
يَوْمَ لاَ يَنْفَعُ مَالٌ وَلاَ بَنُونَ. إِِلاَّ مَنْ أَتَى اللَّهَ بِقَلْبٍ سَلِيمٍ.
"Hari yang padanya harta benda dan anak-pinak tidak dapat memberikan pertolongan sesuatu apapun, "Kecuali (harta benda dan anak-pinak) orang-orang yang datang mengadap Allah dengan hati yang selamat sejahtera (dari syirik dan penyakit munafik); AS-SYUAARA: 88-89.
Atau sebenarnya kita tidak berapa yakin dengan janji dan ganjaran Allah?
يَاأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا هَلْ أَدُلُّكُمْ عَلَى تِجَارَةٍ تُنْجِيكُمْ مِنْ عَذَابٍ أَلِيمٍ. تُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِ وَتُجَاهِدُونَ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ بِأَمْوَالِكُمْ وَأَنْفُسِكُمْ
ذَلِكُمْ خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ إِنْ كُنْتُمْ تَعْلَمُونَ.
Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Mahukah Aku tunjukkan sesuatu perniagaan yang boleh menyelamatkan kamu dari azab seksa yang tidak terperi sakitnya? Iaitu, kamu beriman kepada Allah dan rasulNya, serta kamu berjuang membela dan menegakkan agama Allah dengan harta benda dan diri kamu; yang demikian itulah yang lebih baik bagi kamu, jika kamu hendak mengetahui (hakikat yang sebenarnya). AS-SAFF:
(Sesungguhnya) orang-orang yang beriman dan berhijrah serta berjihad pada jalan Allah dengan harta benda dan jiwa mereka adalah lebih besar dan tinggi darjatnya di sisi Allah (daripada orang-orang yang hanya memberi minum orang-orang Haji dan orang yang memakmurkan masjid sahaja); dan mereka itulah orang-orang yang berjaya. Mereka digembirakan oleh Tuhan mereka dengan pemberian rahmat daripadanya dan keredaan serta Syurga; mereka beroleh di dalam Syurga itu nikmat kesenangan yang kekal. Mereka kekal di dalamnya selama-lamanya. Sesungguhnya Allah, menyediakan di sisiNya pahala yang besar. AT-TAUBAH: 20-22.
وَمَنْ أَحْسَنُ قَوْلًا مِمَّنْ دَعَا إِلَى اللَّهِ وَعَمِلَ صَالِحًا وَقَالَ إِنَّنِي مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِينَ
Dan tidak ada yang lebih baik perkataannya daripada orang yang menyeru kepada Allah, serta ia sendiri mengerjakan amal yang soleh, sambil berkata: "Sesungguhnya aku adalah dari orang-orang Islam!" –AF-FUSSILAT: 33.
Sesungguhnya Allah telah membeli dari orang-orang yang beriman akan jiwa mereka dan harta benda mereka dengan (balasan) bahawa mereka akan beroleh Syurga, (disebabkan) mereka berjuang pada jalan Allah maka (di antara) mereka ada yang membunuh dan terbunuh. (Balasan Syurga yang demikian ialah) sebagai janji yang benar yang ditetapkan oleh Allah di dalam (Kitab-kitab) Taurat dan Injil serta Al-Quran; dan siapakah lagi yang lebih menyempurnakan janjinya daripada Allah? Oleh itu, bergembiralah dengan jualan yang kamu jalankan jual-belinya itu, dan (ketahuilah bahawa) jual-beli (yang seperti itu) ialah kemenangan yang besar. AT-TAUBAH: 111.
Justeru, marilah kita menjadi rijal – pengubat penyakit yang sedang menular dalam bangsa kita. Marilah kita melahirkan lebih ramai rijal di jalan Allah.
الَّذِينَ يُبَلِّغُونَ رِسَـلَـتِ اللَّهِ وَيَخْشَوْنَهُ وَلاَ يَخْشَوْنَ أَحَدًا إِلَّا اللَّهَ وَكَفَى بِاللَّهِ حَسِيبًا
orang-orang yang menyampaikan syariat Allah serta mereka takut melanggar perintahNya, dan mereka pula tidak takut kepada sesiapa pun melainkan kepada Allah. Dan cukuplah Allah menjadi Penghitung (segala yang dilakukan oleh makhluk-makhlukNya untuk membalas mereka). AL-AHZAB: 39.
orang-orang yang kuat imannya yang tidak dilalaikan oleh perniagaan atau berjual-beli daripada menyebut serta mengingati Allah, dan mendirikan sembahyang serta memberi zakat; mereka takutkan hari (kiamat) yang padanya berbalik-balik hati dan pandangan. (Mereka mengerjakan semuanya itu) supaya Allah membalas mereka dengan sebaik-baik balasan bagi apa yang mereka kerjakan, dan menambahi mereka lagi dari limpah kurniaNya; dan sememangnya Allah memberi rezeki kepada sesiapa yang dikehendakiNya dengan tidak terhitung. AN-NUR: 37-38.
(Mereka itu ialah): orang-orang yang bertaubat, yang beribadat, yang memuji Allah, yang mengembara (untuk menuntut ilmu dan mengembangkan Islam), yang rukuk, yang sujud, yang menyuruh berbuat kebaikan dan yang melarang daripada kejahatan, serta yang menjaga batas-batas hukum Allah. Dan gembirakanlah orang-orang yang beriman (yang bersifat demikian). AT-TAUBAH: 112.
Semoga Allah memberi kekuatan kepada kita semua dan sentiasa mengurniakan rahmatnya.
وَالَّذِينَ جَاهَدُوا فِينَا لَنَهْدِيَنَّهُمْ سُبُلَنَا وَإِنَّ اللَّهَ لَمَعَ الْمُحْسِنِينَ
Dan orang-orang yang berusaha dengan bersungguh-sungguh kerana memenuhi kehendak ugama Kami, sesungguhnya Kami akan memimpin mereka ke jalan-jalan Kami (yang menjadikan mereka bergembira serta beroleh keredaan); dan sesungguhnya (pertolongan dan bantuan) Allah adalah berserta orang-orang yang berusaha membaiki amalannya. AL-ANKABUUT: 69.
Daripada Sahabat Seperjuangan: Ahmad Suki
Perjalanan Menuju Allah - I
TAZKIRAH:
KATA-KATA HIKMAH SYEIKH IBN ATA’ILLAH AL-SAKANDARI
Hikmah 1:
مِنْ عَلاَمَاتِ الأِعْتِمَادِ عَلَى الْعَمَلِ نُقْصَانُ الرَّجَاءِ عِنْدَ وُجُوْدِ الزُّلَلِ.
Antara tanda-tanda terlalu bergantung kepada amal (untuk mendapat redha Allah) adalah kurangnya harapan terhadap rahmat Allah ketika melakukan kesalahan.
@Pemberian Allah kepada kita tidak terhingga – tidak ada amalan kita yang boleh membalas hatta sebesar atom sekalipun.
@Namun, untuk mendapat rahmat Allah perlulah mempertingkatkan amal sebanyak mungkin.
@Justeru, berharaplah kepada rahmat Allah melalui usaha mengikhlaskan dan memperbanyakkan amalan. Semoga Allah mengasihani kita untuk mendapat keredhaannya.
Hikmah 2:
لاَ يَكُنْ تَأَخُّرُ أَمَدِ الْعَطَاءِ مَعَ الأِلْحَاحِ فِي الدُّعَاءِ مُوْجبًا لِيَأْسِكَ. فَهُوَ ضَمِنَ لَكَ الأِجَابَةَ فِيْمَا يَخْتَارُهُ لَكَ لاَ فِيْمَا يَخْتَارُ لِنَفْسِكَ. وَفِي الْوَقْتِ الَّذِي يُرِيْدُ لاَ فِي الْوَقْتِ الَّذِي تُرِيْدُ.
Terlambatnya masa pemberian oleh Allah – apabila kita berdoa – janganlah hendaknya menyebabkan anda berputus asa, kerana Allah s.w.t telah memakbulkan doa anda menurut pilihanNya untuk anda, bukan menurut apa yang anda pilih untuk diri anda - serta pada masa yang Dia kehendaki dan bukan pada masa yang anda inginkan.
@Adab hamba kepada Allah – tidak boleh memberi syarat untuk menunaikan sesuatu mengikut apa yang kita hendakkan
@Allah mempunyai rencanaNya yang sudah pasti ada hikmah yang kadang-kadangnya tidak disedari oleh kita.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Bila Kita Semua Perlu Berhenti Bertanya???
Bila Aku Akan Berhenti Bertanya?
(puisiku dulu-dulu)
Aku sering bertanya,
apa yang telah ku buat?
apa yang belum ku buat?
bila aku akan buat?
bagaimana aku harus buat?
Aku juga bertanya,
bila aku akan berhenti bertanya?
untuk menjawab segala pertanyaan-pertanyaan itu!!!
ASMA TT
(puisiku dulu-dulu)
Aku sering bertanya,
apa yang telah ku buat?
apa yang belum ku buat?
bila aku akan buat?
bagaimana aku harus buat?
Aku juga bertanya,
bila aku akan berhenti bertanya?
untuk menjawab segala pertanyaan-pertanyaan itu!!!
ASMA TT
Membina Personaliti
Seorang psikologis mengatakan bahawa diri kita ini umpama 'gardener'. Gardener yang menanam 'trees of behavior' atau 'trees ofthought' untuk menumbuhkan personaliti kita. Semenjak kecil ibubapa mengajar kita bagaimana menggosok gigi dan akhirnya ia menjadi habit/tabiat pada hidup kita. Ibubapa kita telah menanam benih tabiat pada 'garden' kita. Begitu juga dengan cara memakai baju dan akhirnya ia 'tumbuh' sebagai tabiat yang baik pada diri kita.
Cuma kita jangan lupa - seperti juga kebun yang lain - jika kita tidak jaga dengan baik, 'garden' kita akan dipenuhi rumput-rumput ataupun lelalang. Di sini kita diminta meletakkan USAHA untuk menjaga & menanam benih-benih yang baik di ladang kita.
"The winners MAKE IT happen, the loosers LET IT happen!"
Cuma kita jangan lupa - seperti juga kebun yang lain - jika kita tidak jaga dengan baik, 'garden' kita akan dipenuhi rumput-rumput ataupun lelalang. Di sini kita diminta meletakkan USAHA untuk menjaga & menanam benih-benih yang baik di ladang kita.
"The winners MAKE IT happen, the loosers LET IT happen!"
Keraguan Itulah Sebenarnya Kesakitan
MASYITAH
Kau tidak pun merasa gentar
melihat kawah Firaun
kau tidak pun teragak-agak
untuk melepaskan bayimu
segala itu telah kau relakan
demi cinta pada Tuhan
Aku tahu Masyitah
keyakinan boleh menghilangkan kesakitan
dan aku pun cukup tahu
keraguan itulah sebenarnya kesakitan.
Zurinah Hassan
(Antologi Keberangkatan)
Kau tidak pun merasa gentar
melihat kawah Firaun
kau tidak pun teragak-agak
untuk melepaskan bayimu
segala itu telah kau relakan
demi cinta pada Tuhan
Aku tahu Masyitah
keyakinan boleh menghilangkan kesakitan
dan aku pun cukup tahu
keraguan itulah sebenarnya kesakitan.
Zurinah Hassan
(Antologi Keberangkatan)
"CONFRONT THE DRAGON"
The following anaecdote is extracted from one of the novels I readmore than 10 years ago. Simple but very inspiring to me:
"CONFRONT THE DRAGON"
... "my father used to tell me a story", she said, smiling as she satup and wrapped her arms around her legs. "I remember the first timehe told it - I must have been about five at the time - and in themiddle of the night I woke up from a nightmare with my heart poundinglike if wanted to get out of my chest. I ran down the hall to myparents' bedroom." She laughed.
"Oh, how I begged to sleep with them. Just this one time, I said.But my father wouldn't let me. He sat on the side of the bed with meon his lap, and he made me tell him all about the dream. It was fullof shadows and robbers and dragons that especially like to eat five-years-old girls"...
when I finished, he told me a story about a little girlwho wasafraid. Not just of dragons but of everything. She hid in a boxbecause inside she felt safe; she had definite boundaries, and shecould see into every corner. Nothing could get her there... at theage of five that didn't sound so bad. But then he started to tell mewhat else couldn't get into the box. things like laughter andsunshine and love. Nothing new and exciting could happen becausenothing could get in. Then he told me something I'll never forget.He said, "Amanda, nothing in the would is as bad as being afraid - nodragons, no monsters, no shadows. You've got to turn on whatfrightens you. That way you control the fear instead of letting itcontrol you. Confront the dragon, baby. Always CONFRONT THE DRAGON".
"CONFRONT THE DRAGON"
... "my father used to tell me a story", she said, smiling as she satup and wrapped her arms around her legs. "I remember the first timehe told it - I must have been about five at the time - and in themiddle of the night I woke up from a nightmare with my heart poundinglike if wanted to get out of my chest. I ran down the hall to myparents' bedroom." She laughed.
"Oh, how I begged to sleep with them. Just this one time, I said.But my father wouldn't let me. He sat on the side of the bed with meon his lap, and he made me tell him all about the dream. It was fullof shadows and robbers and dragons that especially like to eat five-years-old girls"...
when I finished, he told me a story about a little girlwho wasafraid. Not just of dragons but of everything. She hid in a boxbecause inside she felt safe; she had definite boundaries, and shecould see into every corner. Nothing could get her there... at theage of five that didn't sound so bad. But then he started to tell mewhat else couldn't get into the box. things like laughter andsunshine and love. Nothing new and exciting could happen becausenothing could get in. Then he told me something I'll never forget.He said, "Amanda, nothing in the would is as bad as being afraid - nodragons, no monsters, no shadows. You've got to turn on whatfrightens you. That way you control the fear instead of letting itcontrol you. Confront the dragon, baby. Always CONFRONT THE DRAGON".
Synergistic Relationship
Dear friends, we have awared the important of “real communication”. We have understood that one of the real pains is misunderstanding. One of the main reasons of misunderstanding is we don’t really understand each other.
As we know, every human being is unique (either negative or positive), either in the form of past experiences obsession or just because of negative temperament. I don’t suggest that we should let go the negative temperament, but we should understand it & accept “the reality”.
I really think that we should try to have a conducive communication (feel secured, compassionate, loving, win-win thinking, etc). And, insyaAllah, it will yield the synergistic result – to get a better, long-lasting and happy solution.
As we know, every human being is unique (either negative or positive), either in the form of past experiences obsession or just because of negative temperament. I don’t suggest that we should let go the negative temperament, but we should understand it & accept “the reality”.
I really think that we should try to have a conducive communication (feel secured, compassionate, loving, win-win thinking, etc). And, insyaAllah, it will yield the synergistic result – to get a better, long-lasting and happy solution.
Asas-Asas Orang Yang Berkesan
...diinspirasikan daripada buku Dr. Stephen Covey, "The 7th Habits of Highly Effective People"
Etika Diri
Menurut Covey salah satu asas utama orang yang berkesan adalah orang yang mengutamakan etika character lebih dari etika personality. Etika character adalah etika yang mengutamakan sifat-sifat dalaman yang mulia. Manakala etika personality adalah keperibadian yang dibina menggunakan teknik-teknik atau yang berbentuk luaran.
Semasa Dr. Covey membuat kajian PHD-nya, beliau telah membuat pembacaan mengenai orang-orang yang berjaya, dengan mengkaji bahan-bahan bacaan yang ditulis semenjak 200 tahun yang lalu. Dalam, kajiannya beliau mendapati satu pola yang “menakutkan”, di mana hampir 50 tahun kebelakangan ini, kebanyakan tulisan mengenai “keberjayaan” dipenuhi dengan teknik-teknik, penyelesaian “segera” (quick-fix) dan bersifat luaran. Sedangkan bacaan-bacaan selama 150 tahun sebelum itu menekankan nilai-nilai dalaman, keutuhan (integrity), kejujuran, kesabaran dan sebagainya.
Etika personality bukanlah suatu yang tidak baik, tetapi ia haruslah dijadikan suatu yang sekunder. Etika utama haruslah etika character. Mengutamakan etika personality daripada etika character akan menjadikan orang yang berhubung dengan kita terasa dimanipulasi (pada jangkamasa panjang). Contohnya, kita meminta orang di bawah kita (pekerja, anak atau sesiapa sahaja) bekerja dengan tekun melalui penggunaan teknik-teknik pengurusan yang kita pelajari (etika personality). Sedangkan kita sendiri tidaklah menghayati sifat orang yang tekun (tidak menghayati etika character), pada permulaan kita mungkin berjaya menampakkan pada orang bawah keperluan untuk lebih tekun, namun pada jangkamasa panjang kepercayaan orang bawah akan terhakis bila menyedari sifat kita yang sebenarnya.
Etika personality bolehlah digunakan bila kita telah membina etika character. Etika itu akan mempercepatkan hasil yang kita kehendaki tanpa menghakiskan kepercayaan orang pada kita dalam jangkamasa panjang. Pembinaan etika character dalam diri melibatkan proses ‘menyuburkan’ sifat-sifat dalaman secara konsisten – ianya mungkin memakan masa. Namun, pada jangkamasa panjang, kita akan terbina dengan sifat yang beretika character.
Paradigma Orang Berkesan
Orang berkesan seharusnya memiliki paradigma yang tepat mengenai kehidupan. Paradigma adalah model, teori, persepsi, anggapan atau satu rangka rujukan. Dalam kata lain, ianya adalah satu cara kita “melihat” dunia. Ianya seumpama peta – peta menggambarkan tempat tetapi bukanlah fizikal wilayah, ianya lebih berupakan panduan.
Namun tanpa kita sedari tidak semua “peta” itu tepat. Jika kita menggunakan peta yang salah atau tidak terkini, kita mungkin tidak sampai ke destinasi (sesat atau sebagainya) – walaupun kita menggunakan seluruh kekuatan, kecekapan, keberkesanan, atau kebolehan kita (malah ianya mungkin akan lebih mempercepatkan kita sesat).
Paradigma yang tepat sangat penting untuk memastikan keberkesanan kita. Paradigma mungkin tidak tepat kerana pemahaman kita mengenai sesuatu secara tidak tepat. Bila paradigma yang tidak tepat terbina dalam satu jangkamasa panjang, ianya akan menjadikan kita beranggapan sesuatu itu seharusnya sebagaimana yang kita fahami. Paradigma itu sangat pnting kerana ianya akan membentuk cara kita berfikir dan cara kita bertindak atau berkelakuan. Paradigma yang tidak tepat menyebabkan kita bertindak secara tidak betul.
Paradigma sangat berkuasa untuk penghasilan keberkesanan. Stephen Covey telah memberi contoh terhadap paradigma mengenai kuman – sebelum teori mengenai kuman wujud, manusia tidak dapat memahami kenapa begitu ramai ibu & bayi meninggal semasa kelahiran, dan manusia juga tidak berupaya memahami kenapa ramai tentera yang meninggal kerana luka yang kecil berbanding dengan kecederaan yang lebih besar. Bila teori ini dikemukakan, keseluruhan paradigma mengenai perkara tersebut telah berubah – manusia mampu memahami perkara-perkara tersebut. Seterusnya manusia berupaya menghasilkan sistem perubatan yang jauh lebih baik.
(The power of Paradigm Shift)
I remember a mini-paradigm shift I experienced one Sunday morning on a subway in New York. People were sitting quietly— some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene.
Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed. The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people's papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.
It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too. So finally,with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to himand said, "Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn't control them a little more?"
The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, "Oh, you're right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don't know what tothink, and I guess they don't know how to handle it either."
Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw things differently, and because I saw differently, I thought differently, I felt differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn't have to worry about control-ling my attitude or my behavior; my heart was filled with the man's pain. Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely. "Your wife just died? Oh, I'm so sorry! Can you tell me about it? What can I do to help?" Everything changed in an instant.
Keseimbangan Di Antara KP & P
This principle can be easily understood by remembering Aesop's fable of the goose and the golden egg. This fable is the story of a poor farmer who one day discovers in the nest of his pet goose a glittering golden egg. A t first, he thinks it must be some kind of trick. But as he starts to throw the egg aside, he has second thoughts and takes it in to be appraised instead. The egg is pure gold! The farmer can't believe his good fortune. He becomes even more incredulous the following day when the experience is repeated. Day after day, he awakens to rush to the nest and find another golden egg. He becomes fabulously wealthy; it all seems too good to be true.
But with his increasing wealth comes greed and impatience. Unable to wait day after day for the golden eggs, the farmer decides he will kill the goose and get them all at once. But when he opens the goose, he finds it empty. There are no golden eggs—and now there is no way to get any more. The farmer has destroyed the goose that produced them.
Salah satu lagi sifat utama orang berkesan adalah sentiasa memikirkan keseimbangan antara KP (Keupayaan Pengeluaran) dengan P (Pengeluaran) dalam setiap tindakan. P adalah hasil yang dikehendaki, manakala KP adalah pembinaan keupayaan untuk mengeluarkan hasil. Orang yang tidak berkesan selalunya “tamakkan telur emas tanpa melihat kebajikan/keupayaan/kesihatan sang angsa untuk mengeluarkan telur tersebut.
Mungkin kita tidak sebodoh/setamak si petani yang membelah perut angsa untuk mendapat telur emas dengan segera – namun tanpa disedari kita kerap terlupa prinsip keseimbangan KP & P. Berapa ramai kita dengar ibu-bapa yang menggunakan paksaan untuk memastikan anaknya melakukan sesuatu, menggunakan kuasa untuk memastikan pekerja menyiapkan kerja, mengeluh kerana pekerja tidak memberi kerjasama, dan pelbagai lagi. Keseimbangan KP menuntut kita melihat sama ada kita telah menyediakan latihan yang secukupnya, suasana yang ceria/kondusif, rasa ingin melakukan yang datang dalam diri, semangat kerja sebagai satu organisasi (menyayangi organisasi) dan pelbagai lagi keupayaan atau prasarana yang perlu disediakan.
§ When two people in a marriage are more concerned about getting the golden eggs, the benefits, than they are in preserving the relationship that makes them possible, they often become insensitive and inconsiderate, neglecting the little kindnesses and courtesies so important to a deep relationship. They begin to use control levers to manipulate each other, to focus on their own needs, to justify their own position and look for evidence to show the wrongness of the other person. The love, the richness, the softness and spontaneity begin to deteriorate. The goose getssicker day by day.
§ And what about a parent's relationship with a child? When children are little, they are very dependent, very vulnerable. It becomes so easy to neglect the PC work—the training, the communicating, the relating, the listening. It's easy to take advantage, to manipulate, to get what you want the way you want it—right now! You're bigger, you're smarter, and you're right! So why not just tell them what to do? If necessary, yell at them, intimidate them, insist on your way.
§ Or you can indulge them. You can go for the golden egg of popularity, of pleasing them, giving them their way all the time. Then they grow up without any internal sense of standards orexpectations, without a personal commitment to being disciplined or responsible.
§ Either way—authoritarian or permissive—you have the golden egg mentality. You want to have your way or you want to be liked. But what happens, meantime, to the goose? What sense ofresponsibility, of self-discipline, of confidence in the ability to make good choices or achieve important goals is a child going to have a few years down the road? And what about your relationship? When he reaches those critical teenage years, the identity crises, will he know from his experience with you that you will listen without judging, that you really, deeply care about him as a person, that you can be trusted, no matter what? Will the relationship be strong enough for you to reach him, to communicate with him, to influence him?
§ Suppose you want your daughter to have a clean room—that's P, production, the golden egg. And suppose you want her to clean it—that's PC, production capability. Your daughter is the goose, the asset, that produces the golden egg. If you have P and PC in balance, she cleans the room cheerfully, without being reminded, because she is committed and has thediscipline to stay with the commitment. She is a valuable asset, a goose that can produce golden eggs.
§ But if your paradigm is focused on production, on getting the room clean, you might find yourself nagging her to do it. You might even escalate your efforts to threatening or yelling, and inyour desire to get the golden egg, you undermine the health and welfare of the goose.
Jadilah Seorang Yang Berkesan: Mulakan Dengan Melepasi “Tarikan Graviti”
Menurut Covey, sifat yang baik harus disemai. Sifat boleh disemai bila kita mempunyai tiga komponen, iaitu pengetahuan (knowledge), kemahiran (skill), dan kemahuan (desire). Tiga komponen itu perlu dibangun dan disuburkan. Namun untuk menyuburkannya kita akan menghadapi masalah dengan sifat-sifat lama yang sudah berakar, paradigma yang tidak kena, dan sebagainya. Semua halangan itu umpama tarikan graviti. Untuk meluncur laju ke angkasa, tarikan graviti perlu dilepasi terlebih dahulu.
Tengok semula ke dalam diri dengan ikhlas dan jujur – dengan niat untuk menambah keberkesanan diri – lakukan perubahan satu demi satu – dapatkan pengetahuan, kemahiran dan kemahuan – istiqamah dan bertindak. insyaAllah, bila tarikan graviti telah dilepasi, kita akan meluncur ke destinasi dengan selesa. Sifat-sifat berkesan yang ingin ditanam akan terbiasa (menjadi character) dalam diri, seterusnya ianya akan berkembang dalam keluarga, organisasi, masyarakat dan ummah keseluruhannya. Mulakan dengan diri sendiri!
Etika Diri
Menurut Covey salah satu asas utama orang yang berkesan adalah orang yang mengutamakan etika character lebih dari etika personality. Etika character adalah etika yang mengutamakan sifat-sifat dalaman yang mulia. Manakala etika personality adalah keperibadian yang dibina menggunakan teknik-teknik atau yang berbentuk luaran.
Semasa Dr. Covey membuat kajian PHD-nya, beliau telah membuat pembacaan mengenai orang-orang yang berjaya, dengan mengkaji bahan-bahan bacaan yang ditulis semenjak 200 tahun yang lalu. Dalam, kajiannya beliau mendapati satu pola yang “menakutkan”, di mana hampir 50 tahun kebelakangan ini, kebanyakan tulisan mengenai “keberjayaan” dipenuhi dengan teknik-teknik, penyelesaian “segera” (quick-fix) dan bersifat luaran. Sedangkan bacaan-bacaan selama 150 tahun sebelum itu menekankan nilai-nilai dalaman, keutuhan (integrity), kejujuran, kesabaran dan sebagainya.
Etika personality bukanlah suatu yang tidak baik, tetapi ia haruslah dijadikan suatu yang sekunder. Etika utama haruslah etika character. Mengutamakan etika personality daripada etika character akan menjadikan orang yang berhubung dengan kita terasa dimanipulasi (pada jangkamasa panjang). Contohnya, kita meminta orang di bawah kita (pekerja, anak atau sesiapa sahaja) bekerja dengan tekun melalui penggunaan teknik-teknik pengurusan yang kita pelajari (etika personality). Sedangkan kita sendiri tidaklah menghayati sifat orang yang tekun (tidak menghayati etika character), pada permulaan kita mungkin berjaya menampakkan pada orang bawah keperluan untuk lebih tekun, namun pada jangkamasa panjang kepercayaan orang bawah akan terhakis bila menyedari sifat kita yang sebenarnya.
Etika personality bolehlah digunakan bila kita telah membina etika character. Etika itu akan mempercepatkan hasil yang kita kehendaki tanpa menghakiskan kepercayaan orang pada kita dalam jangkamasa panjang. Pembinaan etika character dalam diri melibatkan proses ‘menyuburkan’ sifat-sifat dalaman secara konsisten – ianya mungkin memakan masa. Namun, pada jangkamasa panjang, kita akan terbina dengan sifat yang beretika character.
Paradigma Orang Berkesan
Orang berkesan seharusnya memiliki paradigma yang tepat mengenai kehidupan. Paradigma adalah model, teori, persepsi, anggapan atau satu rangka rujukan. Dalam kata lain, ianya adalah satu cara kita “melihat” dunia. Ianya seumpama peta – peta menggambarkan tempat tetapi bukanlah fizikal wilayah, ianya lebih berupakan panduan.
Namun tanpa kita sedari tidak semua “peta” itu tepat. Jika kita menggunakan peta yang salah atau tidak terkini, kita mungkin tidak sampai ke destinasi (sesat atau sebagainya) – walaupun kita menggunakan seluruh kekuatan, kecekapan, keberkesanan, atau kebolehan kita (malah ianya mungkin akan lebih mempercepatkan kita sesat).
Paradigma yang tepat sangat penting untuk memastikan keberkesanan kita. Paradigma mungkin tidak tepat kerana pemahaman kita mengenai sesuatu secara tidak tepat. Bila paradigma yang tidak tepat terbina dalam satu jangkamasa panjang, ianya akan menjadikan kita beranggapan sesuatu itu seharusnya sebagaimana yang kita fahami. Paradigma itu sangat pnting kerana ianya akan membentuk cara kita berfikir dan cara kita bertindak atau berkelakuan. Paradigma yang tidak tepat menyebabkan kita bertindak secara tidak betul.
Paradigma sangat berkuasa untuk penghasilan keberkesanan. Stephen Covey telah memberi contoh terhadap paradigma mengenai kuman – sebelum teori mengenai kuman wujud, manusia tidak dapat memahami kenapa begitu ramai ibu & bayi meninggal semasa kelahiran, dan manusia juga tidak berupaya memahami kenapa ramai tentera yang meninggal kerana luka yang kecil berbanding dengan kecederaan yang lebih besar. Bila teori ini dikemukakan, keseluruhan paradigma mengenai perkara tersebut telah berubah – manusia mampu memahami perkara-perkara tersebut. Seterusnya manusia berupaya menghasilkan sistem perubatan yang jauh lebih baik.
(The power of Paradigm Shift)
I remember a mini-paradigm shift I experienced one Sunday morning on a subway in New York. People were sitting quietly— some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene.
Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed. The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people's papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.
It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too. So finally,with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to himand said, "Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn't control them a little more?"
The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, "Oh, you're right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don't know what tothink, and I guess they don't know how to handle it either."
Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw things differently, and because I saw differently, I thought differently, I felt differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn't have to worry about control-ling my attitude or my behavior; my heart was filled with the man's pain. Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely. "Your wife just died? Oh, I'm so sorry! Can you tell me about it? What can I do to help?" Everything changed in an instant.
Keseimbangan Di Antara KP & P
This principle can be easily understood by remembering Aesop's fable of the goose and the golden egg. This fable is the story of a poor farmer who one day discovers in the nest of his pet goose a glittering golden egg. A t first, he thinks it must be some kind of trick. But as he starts to throw the egg aside, he has second thoughts and takes it in to be appraised instead. The egg is pure gold! The farmer can't believe his good fortune. He becomes even more incredulous the following day when the experience is repeated. Day after day, he awakens to rush to the nest and find another golden egg. He becomes fabulously wealthy; it all seems too good to be true.
But with his increasing wealth comes greed and impatience. Unable to wait day after day for the golden eggs, the farmer decides he will kill the goose and get them all at once. But when he opens the goose, he finds it empty. There are no golden eggs—and now there is no way to get any more. The farmer has destroyed the goose that produced them.
Salah satu lagi sifat utama orang berkesan adalah sentiasa memikirkan keseimbangan antara KP (Keupayaan Pengeluaran) dengan P (Pengeluaran) dalam setiap tindakan. P adalah hasil yang dikehendaki, manakala KP adalah pembinaan keupayaan untuk mengeluarkan hasil. Orang yang tidak berkesan selalunya “tamakkan telur emas tanpa melihat kebajikan/keupayaan/kesihatan sang angsa untuk mengeluarkan telur tersebut.
Mungkin kita tidak sebodoh/setamak si petani yang membelah perut angsa untuk mendapat telur emas dengan segera – namun tanpa disedari kita kerap terlupa prinsip keseimbangan KP & P. Berapa ramai kita dengar ibu-bapa yang menggunakan paksaan untuk memastikan anaknya melakukan sesuatu, menggunakan kuasa untuk memastikan pekerja menyiapkan kerja, mengeluh kerana pekerja tidak memberi kerjasama, dan pelbagai lagi. Keseimbangan KP menuntut kita melihat sama ada kita telah menyediakan latihan yang secukupnya, suasana yang ceria/kondusif, rasa ingin melakukan yang datang dalam diri, semangat kerja sebagai satu organisasi (menyayangi organisasi) dan pelbagai lagi keupayaan atau prasarana yang perlu disediakan.
§ When two people in a marriage are more concerned about getting the golden eggs, the benefits, than they are in preserving the relationship that makes them possible, they often become insensitive and inconsiderate, neglecting the little kindnesses and courtesies so important to a deep relationship. They begin to use control levers to manipulate each other, to focus on their own needs, to justify their own position and look for evidence to show the wrongness of the other person. The love, the richness, the softness and spontaneity begin to deteriorate. The goose getssicker day by day.
§ And what about a parent's relationship with a child? When children are little, they are very dependent, very vulnerable. It becomes so easy to neglect the PC work—the training, the communicating, the relating, the listening. It's easy to take advantage, to manipulate, to get what you want the way you want it—right now! You're bigger, you're smarter, and you're right! So why not just tell them what to do? If necessary, yell at them, intimidate them, insist on your way.
§ Or you can indulge them. You can go for the golden egg of popularity, of pleasing them, giving them their way all the time. Then they grow up without any internal sense of standards orexpectations, without a personal commitment to being disciplined or responsible.
§ Either way—authoritarian or permissive—you have the golden egg mentality. You want to have your way or you want to be liked. But what happens, meantime, to the goose? What sense ofresponsibility, of self-discipline, of confidence in the ability to make good choices or achieve important goals is a child going to have a few years down the road? And what about your relationship? When he reaches those critical teenage years, the identity crises, will he know from his experience with you that you will listen without judging, that you really, deeply care about him as a person, that you can be trusted, no matter what? Will the relationship be strong enough for you to reach him, to communicate with him, to influence him?
§ Suppose you want your daughter to have a clean room—that's P, production, the golden egg. And suppose you want her to clean it—that's PC, production capability. Your daughter is the goose, the asset, that produces the golden egg. If you have P and PC in balance, she cleans the room cheerfully, without being reminded, because she is committed and has thediscipline to stay with the commitment. She is a valuable asset, a goose that can produce golden eggs.
§ But if your paradigm is focused on production, on getting the room clean, you might find yourself nagging her to do it. You might even escalate your efforts to threatening or yelling, and inyour desire to get the golden egg, you undermine the health and welfare of the goose.
Jadilah Seorang Yang Berkesan: Mulakan Dengan Melepasi “Tarikan Graviti”
Menurut Covey, sifat yang baik harus disemai. Sifat boleh disemai bila kita mempunyai tiga komponen, iaitu pengetahuan (knowledge), kemahiran (skill), dan kemahuan (desire). Tiga komponen itu perlu dibangun dan disuburkan. Namun untuk menyuburkannya kita akan menghadapi masalah dengan sifat-sifat lama yang sudah berakar, paradigma yang tidak kena, dan sebagainya. Semua halangan itu umpama tarikan graviti. Untuk meluncur laju ke angkasa, tarikan graviti perlu dilepasi terlebih dahulu.
Tengok semula ke dalam diri dengan ikhlas dan jujur – dengan niat untuk menambah keberkesanan diri – lakukan perubahan satu demi satu – dapatkan pengetahuan, kemahiran dan kemahuan – istiqamah dan bertindak. insyaAllah, bila tarikan graviti telah dilepasi, kita akan meluncur ke destinasi dengan selesa. Sifat-sifat berkesan yang ingin ditanam akan terbiasa (menjadi character) dalam diri, seterusnya ianya akan berkembang dalam keluarga, organisasi, masyarakat dan ummah keseluruhannya. Mulakan dengan diri sendiri!
Love Is a Verb by Dr. Stephen Covey
At one seminar where I was speaking on the concept of proactivity, a man came up and said, "Stephen, I like what you're saying, but every situation is different. Look at my marriage. I'm really worried. My wife and I just don't have the same feelings (-: dah tak dah “rasa”lah tu) for each other that we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore, and she doesn't love me. What can I do?"
"The feeling isn't there anymore?" I inquired.
"That's right," he reaffirmed. "And we have three children we're really concerned about. What do you suggest?"
"Love her," I replied.
I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore."
"Love her."
"You don't understand. The feeling of love just isn't there."
"Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her."
"But how do you love when you don't love?"
"My friend, love is a verb. Love the feeling is a fruit of love the verb. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?"
Hollywood has scripted us to believe that love is a feeling. Relationships are disposable. Marriage and family are matters of contract and convenience rather than commitment and integrity. But these messages give a highly distorted picture of reality… and they get many, many people off track.
Just look around you maybe even in your own family. Anyone who has been through a divorce, an estrangement from a companion, a child, or a parent, or a broken relationship of any kind can tell you that there is deep pain, deep scarring. And there are long lasting consequences that Hollywood usually doesn't tell you about. So while it may seem “easier" in the short run, it is often far more difficult and more painful in the long run to break up a relationship than to heal it particularly when children are involved.
1 have one friend who uses his gifts to make a powerful proactive choice every day. When he comes home from work, he sits in his car in the driveway and pushes his pause button. He literally puts his life on pause. He gets perspective. He thinks about the members of his family and what they are doing inside the walls of his house. He considers what kind of environment and feeling he wants to help create when he goes inside. He says to himself, "My family is the most enjoyable, the most pleasant, the most important part of my life. I'm going to go into my home and feel and communicate my love for them."
When he walks through the door, instead of finding fault and becoming critical or simply going off by himself to relax and take care of his own needs, he might dramatically shout, "I'm home! Please try to restrain yourselves from hugging and kissing me!" Then he might go around the house and interact in positive ways with every family member kissing his wife, rolling around on the floor with the kids, or doing whatever it takes to create pleasantness and happiness, whether it's taking out the garbage or helping with a project or just listening. In doing these things he rises above his fatigue, his challenges or setbacks at work, his tendencies to find fault or be disappointed in what he may find at home. He becomes a conscious, positive creative force in the family culture.
Think about the proactive choice this man is making and the impact it has on his family! Think about the relationships he's building and about how that is going to impact every dimension of family life for years, perhaps for generations to come!
Any successful marriage, any successful family takes work. It's not a matter of accident, it's a matter of achievement. It takes effort and sacrifice. It takes knowing that "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, as long as you live" love is a verb.
"The feeling isn't there anymore?" I inquired.
"That's right," he reaffirmed. "And we have three children we're really concerned about. What do you suggest?"
"Love her," I replied.
I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore."
"Love her."
"You don't understand. The feeling of love just isn't there."
"Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her."
"But how do you love when you don't love?"
"My friend, love is a verb. Love the feeling is a fruit of love the verb. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?"
Hollywood has scripted us to believe that love is a feeling. Relationships are disposable. Marriage and family are matters of contract and convenience rather than commitment and integrity. But these messages give a highly distorted picture of reality… and they get many, many people off track.
Just look around you maybe even in your own family. Anyone who has been through a divorce, an estrangement from a companion, a child, or a parent, or a broken relationship of any kind can tell you that there is deep pain, deep scarring. And there are long lasting consequences that Hollywood usually doesn't tell you about. So while it may seem “easier" in the short run, it is often far more difficult and more painful in the long run to break up a relationship than to heal it particularly when children are involved.
1 have one friend who uses his gifts to make a powerful proactive choice every day. When he comes home from work, he sits in his car in the driveway and pushes his pause button. He literally puts his life on pause. He gets perspective. He thinks about the members of his family and what they are doing inside the walls of his house. He considers what kind of environment and feeling he wants to help create when he goes inside. He says to himself, "My family is the most enjoyable, the most pleasant, the most important part of my life. I'm going to go into my home and feel and communicate my love for them."
When he walks through the door, instead of finding fault and becoming critical or simply going off by himself to relax and take care of his own needs, he might dramatically shout, "I'm home! Please try to restrain yourselves from hugging and kissing me!" Then he might go around the house and interact in positive ways with every family member kissing his wife, rolling around on the floor with the kids, or doing whatever it takes to create pleasantness and happiness, whether it's taking out the garbage or helping with a project or just listening. In doing these things he rises above his fatigue, his challenges or setbacks at work, his tendencies to find fault or be disappointed in what he may find at home. He becomes a conscious, positive creative force in the family culture.
Think about the proactive choice this man is making and the impact it has on his family! Think about the relationships he's building and about how that is going to impact every dimension of family life for years, perhaps for generations to come!
Any successful marriage, any successful family takes work. It's not a matter of accident, it's a matter of achievement. It takes effort and sacrifice. It takes knowing that "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, as long as you live" love is a verb.
Menghadapi Dunia Yang Semakin "Menghambat"
Assalamualaikum wm. wbt. & Salam Sejahtera,
Entah kenapa, hidup kebelakangan ni dirasakan begitu menghambat diri - terasa begitu sibuk sekali. Sibuk yang seolah-olah tiada kesudahan dan sibuk yang 'dictate' segala pergerakan kita. Kebanyakan kita dikawal oleh 'kesibukan' tersebut dan sebahagian kita seolah-olah sudah tidak mampu untuk mengawalnya. Kerap kita dengar kawan-kawan mengatakan masa telah menjadi semakin singkat, sehari dirasakan cepat sekali menjadi seminggu. Seminggu dirasakan cepat sekali menjadi sebulan. Sebulan dirasakan cepat sekali menjadi setahun. Berapa ramai daripada yang kita sedar-sedar diri telah dewasa, berkahwin, beranak-pinak, pencen, tua dan sebagainya. Semoga kita semua tidak tersedar bila 'kuburan' telah memanggil.
Sudah pasti kita tidak mahu semua itu 'menguasai' kita sebegitu. Sudah pasti kita ingin hidup dengan panduan ilahi dan mendapat redhanya, sehingga mendapat kecemerlangan dunia dan akhirat. Cumanya, bagaimana, bagaimana dan bagaimana?
Kata Dr. Stephen Covey, mulakan dengan 'the end'. Teguhkan tekad, kita hendak jadi apa diakhir (jelaskan apakah yang dimaksudkan dengan apa itu - biarlah bayangan itu begitu jelas dalam minda kita). Saya kira itulah juga sebabnya Allah mengggunakan sebahagian besar daripada kandungan Al-Qur'an, itu menceritakan kehidupan di 'alam sana'.
Aspek kedua, adalah menrencanakan kehidupan kita (menjadualkan). Tentukan perkara-perkara penting yang kita ingin lakukan di dunia ini. Jika kita ingin pastikan amalan amal-ibadat taqqarub (mendekatkan) diri dengan Allah, terdisplin. Jadualkan dalam hidup. Contohnya, 5 minit pertama masuk pejabat kita akan baca al-Qur'an dan terjemahannya. Hari tertentu kita akan dengar kuliah agama. masa tertentu kita akan baca buku tentang panduan hidup dan sebagainya. Jadualkan waktu bersama keluarga. Jadualkan waktu melakukan program kemasyarakatan, dan sebagainya.
Any Tambahan @ bantahan?
TQ.
Entah kenapa, hidup kebelakangan ni dirasakan begitu menghambat diri - terasa begitu sibuk sekali. Sibuk yang seolah-olah tiada kesudahan dan sibuk yang 'dictate' segala pergerakan kita. Kebanyakan kita dikawal oleh 'kesibukan' tersebut dan sebahagian kita seolah-olah sudah tidak mampu untuk mengawalnya. Kerap kita dengar kawan-kawan mengatakan masa telah menjadi semakin singkat, sehari dirasakan cepat sekali menjadi seminggu. Seminggu dirasakan cepat sekali menjadi sebulan. Sebulan dirasakan cepat sekali menjadi setahun. Berapa ramai daripada yang kita sedar-sedar diri telah dewasa, berkahwin, beranak-pinak, pencen, tua dan sebagainya. Semoga kita semua tidak tersedar bila 'kuburan' telah memanggil.
Sudah pasti kita tidak mahu semua itu 'menguasai' kita sebegitu. Sudah pasti kita ingin hidup dengan panduan ilahi dan mendapat redhanya, sehingga mendapat kecemerlangan dunia dan akhirat. Cumanya, bagaimana, bagaimana dan bagaimana?
Kata Dr. Stephen Covey, mulakan dengan 'the end'. Teguhkan tekad, kita hendak jadi apa diakhir (jelaskan apakah yang dimaksudkan dengan apa itu - biarlah bayangan itu begitu jelas dalam minda kita). Saya kira itulah juga sebabnya Allah mengggunakan sebahagian besar daripada kandungan Al-Qur'an, itu menceritakan kehidupan di 'alam sana'.
Aspek kedua, adalah menrencanakan kehidupan kita (menjadualkan). Tentukan perkara-perkara penting yang kita ingin lakukan di dunia ini. Jika kita ingin pastikan amalan amal-ibadat taqqarub (mendekatkan) diri dengan Allah, terdisplin. Jadualkan dalam hidup. Contohnya, 5 minit pertama masuk pejabat kita akan baca al-Qur'an dan terjemahannya. Hari tertentu kita akan dengar kuliah agama. masa tertentu kita akan baca buku tentang panduan hidup dan sebagainya. Jadualkan waktu bersama keluarga. Jadualkan waktu melakukan program kemasyarakatan, dan sebagainya.
Any Tambahan @ bantahan?
TQ.
Selamat Datang Dan Selamat Bersama
Assalamualaikum wm. wbt. & Salam Sejahtera,
Tujuan saya mulakan blogger ini untuk memberi pandangan saya dan mengalu-alukan pandangan-pandangan lain untuk membincangkan tentang 'KEHIDUPAN' kita di dunia ini dan mencapai kejayaan @ suasana yang cemerlang dunia dan akhirat.
Suasana hidup yang semakin mencabar (hambatan untuk survival hidup) dan suasana yang semakin tidak menentu (kecelaruan pemikiran, sosial, budaya, agama dan sebagainya) menuntut kita memiliki nilai, amalan, displin dan arah yang jelas lagi mulia.
Marilah kita sama-sama membentuk suasana yang membantu ke arah kecemerlangan dunia dan akhirat.
T/Kasih
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
